Six Days In

So I've been dedicated to the cause with a little variation.

No dates, but I've definitely been in contact with people I thought I was interested in. The most interesting thing about this experiment thus far is that I'm finding that when entering a social exchange with someone I thought I was interested in, I'm finding that there really isn't anything about them that I'm romantically interested in. The other thing I've noticed is that since deciding not to date and to use this month to grow as a person, it's been like blood in the water.


Now, don't get me wrong, I've never been the type of girl who thinks she's lusted after. It's quite the opposite. I'm the type of girl who doesn't think anyone really "likes" her until they've spelled it out. I think a lot of that is straight up naivety (duh) but a lot of it it also retarded self-esteem issues that I've dealt with for like, years?

So the run-down? Shall we?

March 31 I went on my last official date before the "Month of Celibacy" started. He was 35 (claimed to be young at heart -- THIS IS A WARNING SIGN!!) and made a lot of false promises. Said he owned his own business (he was an actor and promoted "himself" as his business), said he was educated (...). It was one of those instances where at first you think someone is very good looking but it turns out they're not and it was just lucky lighting. The whole moral of this story is that if you're 35 and not married and looking to date 21 year olds, there's probably a good reason for it.

Since then I've sort of detached from the work crush, the Queens crush, etc. I didn't think it would be as easy as it has been but I guess you're always surprised when your willpower kicks in. You start to find the things everyone else notices but you don't because you're just so blindsided by lust or "like".

The whole thing, thus far, has resulted in the following, and this is only 6 days in. I've become a lot happier. I'm not worried as much about the stupid shit in life. Work seems a lot more light hearted. Home is a little less trying. Even the dog and I are getting along better. This past Saturday I spent the whole day by myself. I listened to whatever I wanted to on my ipod in the car, smoked too many cigarettes, drove fast, went shopping, bought all new clothes, got my eyebrows waxed and went for a super long walk with the dog. It was great. I didn't think about men once.

This Saturday after picking up my sister from the airport and going out for a drink with Tracy for Nicole's birthday, I headed down to Queens to hang out with Joe and his friend Pete. We were at a bar in Bayside and Joe was waiting outside for me when I pulled in. After he finished his cigarette, I went to enter the bar and some Persian guy grabbed my handed and started spitting game.

"You're so gorgeous, don't go inside, stay here and talk to me."

I can't, it's my friend's birthday.

"He looks like Napoleon Dynamite. You need to hang out with me."

I cannot. Sorry.

"Just tell me your name."

At this exact moment, Joe yells from inside, "Annie!"

"Your name is Annie? That's beautiful. What are you, Annie?"

Italian.

"I love Italians."

I really have to go.

"Okay, I'll see you inside."

Joe bought me a drink, and I was talking to him and Pete for a while when the Persian entered the bar again and proceeded to stare me down. I went back outside to make a phone call real quick and smoke another cigarette when he approached me again, spitting all types of crazy little lines. So I gave in. I gave him my number but didn't take his. If he calls, we'll see what happens with that.

Anyway, I'll update again when some more time has passed. I'm hopeful about this whole experience which is a new thing too.