Chubby Memento Sandwich Lady

Dear Chubby Memento Sandwich Lady,

You're too sweet for me to ask you this in person, so I am instead deploying it to the interwebs for all the world to gawk at. Besides, you will forget the question before I finish relating it.

I've been ordering the same thing from you for almost three years. At least twice a week, I come to the deli where you cheerily await me. So, conservatively, you have made 300 sandwiches for me. That is a lot of fucking egg salad!

I always get a whole wheat wrap, with egg salad, lettuce, onion, tomatoes, and whatever cheese looks least ripe. Every time. Sometimes you are out of the whole wheat wraps. Then, I get the orange one or the green one. I guess they're supposed to be tomato and spinach. You only mangle the wrap I'd say one out of five times, which is pretty good for $4.50. You're good enough at it that I go somewhere else when you're off and the dude missing his front teeth is manning the station (I mean, he is missing his teeth...not exactly appetizing. Also, he mangles the wrap 5 out of 5 times). You always have a chubby little smile, and you call me "honey" in your nice sandwich lady hispanic accent.

But every time I order, it's as though you have never seen me before. You seriously have no clue what I want. I wonder if you have tattooed all your essential personal information on your no doubt pliant and (as the w4m section would have it) "curvy" torso so you can't forget it. You're a totally blank slate every time I greet you. I understand that you have a lot of customers, but your ignorance of what I might want borders on the pathological. You've made the same thing for me 300 times. The chicks (yeah, plural--BOTH of them) at the overpriced salad place picked up that I like a Caesar with chick peas instead of chicken and light on the dressing after maybe a dozen visits.

If I slapped you, would you be confused about where the welt came from before I am through the checkout line? The only possible explanation for you being unable to recall any of the details of what I eat for lunch with such stunning consistency is that you're bereft of medium term memory. I admit, it is cagey of you to work the sandwich lady angle. Not a job that requires a memory, is it?

In closing, Chubby Memento Sandwich Lady, what I really want to ask you is if your persistent good cheer is a direct result of your inability to remember anything. If ignorance is bliss, is ignorance combined with complete lack of recall ecstasy? I would be saddened if you suddenly started remembering what I eat for lunch, because then you will remember other things about the world, too, and they will make you less bubbly. Please stay oblivious, for your sake and the sake of my lunch.

Avoid ginko biloba!

Love,
Egg Salad LTO with Muenster Cheese on a Whole Wheat Wrap

the way the dmv smooth jazz makes me feel.

never again...

just another day at work....

arsxnic kiss (11:51:53 am): ballsack
ScarletApex (11:52:01 am): they smell bad
arsxnic kiss (11:52:07 am): and taste funny
ScarletApex (11:52:11 am): ......

i waaaaaant this.

i was going to draw all over this and make the kid have bloody toes or something but really... it doesn't need my help.

BEAT HER.

You wanted to be bent over my desk - m4w - 32 (Midtown)

---

Reply to: pers-377434865@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-19, 12:58PM EDT


You really wanted that spanking and then some but then you got a bit nervous. Then after you got my pic you were all for it but I had left the office.

Just emailed you and it bounced back. Too bad because it would have been lots of fun!

... no explaination

looking for serious...

---

Reply to: pers-377379950@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-19, 11:53AM EDT


Seriously, im looking for a suger daddy.
me and my friend are in trouble.

we are NOT looking for one night stands. NO SEX.

we would like to have a good longterm relationship.
looking for someone who is gentle,smart,rich,educated...

We are

asian girls, graduated university, have a dream.

if interested, please send me an email & a pic.

Bus Stop Love

Crystal-We talked at Bus Stop At Forbell Street Post office - m4w - 51

---

Reply to: pers-377353408@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-19, 11:21AM EDT


Havent seen you in awhile., Hope you are back at the bus stop soon. Please contact me.

Steve

Missed Connections

One day you will realize what you lost - m4w

---

Reply to: pers-377177871@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-19, 1:47AM EDT


You were never able to look at things in the big picture, you wanted instant gratification. You had a guy who was working hard getting himself situated so that both of us would have a comfortable life together, a life where both of us could then enjoy one another together indefinitely. Sadly you had no patience, you couldn't wait just a little longer, and you broke my heart, and I made some mistakes in coping with the heartbreak, that I am truly sorry for. There are hundreds of women wishing they had guy who cared about them in the long run. I just hope one day after your done trying to find yourself, or selfishly indulging in your new hipster lifestyle, something I wanted to be a part of with you even if I didn't agree with it all, just maybe you might realize what you gave up what while looking for only a temporary fix. Maybe I will still be around, maybe I wont. I did not deserve your cold shoulder when all I wanted was my best friend, even if you no longer wanted a romantic relationship. It was your actions that lead to the potential destruction of even a friendship by denying any closure on my end in avoidance of any heartache of you end, an avoidance that furthered my heartache and lead me to that state of drunken madness. Good luck with your newest wild goose chase, maybe you will finally really get hurt and won't have to pretend you had it so rough with your shrink and meds you hide behind to justify your inability to socialize and make friends, in essence blaming your loneliness on me, sadly I was always there for you when you were lonely, you just never realized the form I was there in. Not once did I ever refuse to lend you a helping hand even if it greatly inconvienced me, sadly you couldn't do the same for me.

Tuesday

i just found out it was Tuesday.


not Wednesday which is was i thought it was all day long.


faaaack,

wh-what?

need some ice for that burn?

A'Gay (11:59:39 AM): i need to start being a cunt.

T Doog$ (11:59:53 AM): then do it

A'Gay (12:00:01 PM): i don't know how.

A'Gay (12:00:02 PM): teach me

T Doog$ (12:04:56 PM): low blow.

T Doog$ (12:05:13 PM): you need to learn how to be a slutbag

T Doog$ (12:05:16 PM): then come to me

T Doog$ (12:05:20 PM): cunt.. not so much

T Doog$ (12:05:23 PM): go to your sister

dead cone

diet coke wif bacon

get it.

killing time at work.

NYT Article

if it were possible to put a windmill in my apartment in Manhattan i would.


"makes as much noise as light traffic or a noisy refrigerator..."

YOU PAY 10 DOLLARS A MONTH FOR ELECTRICITY.


-----

Windmill Cuts Bills, but Neighbors Don’t Want to Hear It

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By RICHARD G. JONES

Published: July 11, 2007

BEACH HAVEN TERRACE, N.J., July 10 — Tired of paying as much as $340 per month for gas and electricity at the Cape Cod home here where he has lived for 18 months, Michael Mercurio erected a 35-foot windmill in his backyard last fall that helped reduce his bill to about $114 — a year.

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Joseph J. Delconzo for The New York Times

Michael Mercurio had a permit to build a windmill in his backyard, but his township is prohibiting its use.

“It just makes sense,” said Mr. Mercurio, who is 61 and runs a company selling and installing windmills. “This is a clean, renewable source of energy.”

Some of his neighbors say it is also annoying. They say it is too big. They say it is too noisy. And some residents in this middle-class borough on Long Beach Island have gone to court to try to make him take it down, while the township has stilled it since winter.

It is a collision between the ideals of alternative energy and the suburban reality of New Jersey’s notorious not-in-my-backyard culture, casting Mr. Mercurio in the role of a latter-day environmental knight errant and his neighbor and principal adversary as the ecological equivalent of Cruella De Vil.

What started as one man’s attempts to find a cheap, clean energy source has become a frequent topic of coffee conversation among the small community of year-round residents in this town, where Mr. Mercurio has lived since he was 4, and has galvanized some segments of the state’s environmental community. And, oh, how the Don Quixote jokes have flowed.

“I hear it all the time,” Mr. Mercurio said, standing in the shadow of his still windmill Tuesday afternoon. “I tell them, ‘You’ve got it all wrong: I’m not fighting against the windmills, I’m fighting for the windmills.’ ”

The clash began in February when two of Mr. Mercurio’s neighbors filed a lawsuit in State Superior Court in Ocean County, charging that the township had acted improperly when it issued the permits that allowed him to build the weathered gray steel tower in his backyard.

The township has since agreed that it was in error. Its code prevents any structure from being built that exceeds 32 feet in height; with its 12-foot rotor blades, Mr. Mercurio’s windmill grazes 40 feet.

And this spring, the township’s council considered amending the code to keep windmills taller than 12 feet from being built. That proposal is pending.

But Mr. Mercurio said that he gave township officials the precise specifications for his windmill — which he called “just a tiny, little, itty-bitty thing” — months in advance of construction, and that he should not be held accountable for their mistake. “The town gave me a permit, and I built it,” he said.

“People have a right to use any resource on their property, just like oil, coal,” he added. “I don’t understand why they are against this. I really don’t.”

Maybe because, as Mr. Mercurio’s neighbors Patricia Caplicki and John Miller say in the lawsuit, in a 14-mile-per-hour wind, the three fiberglass blades produce noise greater than 50 decibels, the rough equivalent of light traffic or a noisy refrigerator.

The suit also says that the spinning blades throw “strobe-like shadows” on their property from noon to sunset.

“It’s not that we’re doing anything to stop the world from turning green,” said George M. Cafarelli, a lawyer for Ms. Caplicki and Mr. Miller who said he had asked them not to discuss the suit with a reporter. “We’re jousting at windmills which have been put up in inappropriate places.”

Richard J. Shackleton, the lawyer for the township, said that officials here were cognizant of environmental concerns and encouraged the use of alternative energy sources like solar panels. (Mr. Mercurio already has 56 solar panels on his home.)

But on a 21-mile-long barrier island that is home to about 9,000 people, Mr. Shackleton said, windmills present a safety hazard and disturb the aesthetics.

“If we had any areas on the island that are big enough to accommodate windmills, we would encourage their use, too,” Mr. Shackleton said.

Opinions about the windmill seem to hinge on how close one lives to it.

Mary Kopp, 81, Mr. Mercurio’s next-door neighbor, thinks that alternative energy “is something we have to look into,” but that his yard is “the wrong place for a windmill like this.”

Bill Kubarewicz, a contractor who frequently does work here but lives about 25 miles away in the Forked River area, said, “It doesn’t seem too bad.”

“I’ve heard it spinning,” Mr. Kubarewicz said. “It’s not like a helicopter or anything. But to live next to it? I don’t know.”

And Suzanne Leta Liou, a spokeswoman for the advocacy group Environment New Jersey, said simply, “We should be trying to maximize our wind potential instead of prohibiting it.”

Mr. Mercurio, who has one American flag flying from the windmill and another in his front yard — not far from a statue of a bald eagle — said that he was entitled to the same life, liberty and pursuit of wind currents as anyone else. “It’s like if my neighbor doesn’t like the color that I paint my house,” he said. “I have the right to paint my house red, white, blue, the whole Star-Spangled Banner if I want to.”

Mr. Mercurio, who used to work in construction and design, said that he first became interested in the possibilities of wind power about a dozen years ago, and four years ago started a company, Island Wind Inc., to help spread the gospel of clean, windblown energy. Also in his front yard is a handmade sign that reads, “Wind power makes America strong.”

Mr. Mercurio’s model, the Skystream 3.7, which is manufactured by Southwest Windpower, which is based in Arizona, can cost more than $15,000, fully loaded. The windmill, which generates about two kilowatts of power, can provide about a quarter of the energy Mr. Mercurio needs. The other 75 percent is generated by solar power.

The only fossil fuels that Mr. Mercurio uses are for the natural gas barbecue grill in his backyard and the stove in his home — hence, the utility bill that averages around $9.50 a month. But since the township shut it down in January, the windmill has not produced anything but controversy (Mr. Mercurio has been relying entirely on solar power), though its curved, clawlike blades, still whir in an occasional breeze.

On Friday, Judge Vincent J. Grasso of Superior Court suspended the suit against Mr. Mercurio and ordered him to seek a zoning variance from the township’s land use board. That board is expected to rule against Mr. Mercurio, probably sending the matter back to court.

As for Mr. Mercurio, he said the lawsuit was draining his retirement account and had him smoking Marlboros again.

“People always say, ‘Not in my backyard, not in my backyard,’ ” he said. “I want to flip it around. It should start in my backyard.”

um... what?!

doogenstein

don't make plans for the 20th of august

we have a blast from the past to look forward to

08.20.07 - Coney Island, NY - Cha Cha's

BOUNCING SOULS.

wonk wonk wonk

this week has started off with a bang.

i'm starting to get a more and more excited about the fact that in a mere 22 days i will be 21 and then some of the stress that is my social life will be relieved.

you ever think about when you were like 7 that 21 seems ridiculously old? maybe cause it still does... who knows.

tracy is the funniest most wonderful person i know and i'm blessed 32098 folds to have her in my life and even more to have her initials in tiny little dots on my wrist. i was walking around today thinking about how ridiculous some of the things we do are and it not only made me smile but it made me shake my head.

we're ridiculous. this blog is ridiculous and i love it.

now if only we could get her out of this mood.

i drew this at work today:











it's a dinosaur called Thecodont and it looks exactly like Ruby in a lot of weird ways.

eff you earth.

Dear Al Gore,

Shove it.

Thanks!



dude.. seriously. the Earth goes through stages. it's... evolution if you will. sure we helped fuck it up this time. but lets face it. there's nothing we can really do (beside prolong the inevitable). it's had enough of our shit.. and now it's getting ready to kick our asses off. and rightfully so.

I'm not saying sit back and kiss your ass goodbye. if you want to stop driving.... or wear shoes made of recycled rubber.... or even live in a hut with no electricity or running water.... by all means knock yourself out. but don't expect it to make much of a difference. it sucks that global warming will be the end of us. but lets live realistically here.

fact: we are facing extinction... we have been for about 11,550 years.
...and if we only have a little while longer here....... I'm going to let my fucking air conditioner run through the night. period.

i want to have sex with justin timberlake

"FutureSex / LoveSound"

Future sex love sound

Yeah.

You know what you want
And that makes you just like me
See everybody says you're hot, baby
But can you make it hot for me?
Said if you're thinking 'bout holding back
Don't worry, girl'Cause I'm gonna make it so easy

So slide a little bit closer to me, little girl
Daddy's on a mission to please

Wait a second
She's hopped up on me
I've got her in my zone
Her body's pressed up on me
I think she's ready to blow
Must be my future sex love sound
And when it goes down
Baby all you gotta do is...
Just tell me which way you like that
All you gotta do is
Tell me which way you like that
Do you like it like this?
Do you like it like that?
Tell me which way you like that
Tell me which way you like that
You can't stop, baby
You can't stop once you've turned me on
And your enemy are your thoughts, baby
So just let 'em go
'Cause all I need is a moment alone
To give you my tongue
And put you out of control
And after you let it in
We'll be skin to skin
It's just so natural
Wait a second
She's hopped up on me
I've got her in my zone
Her body's pressed up on me
I think she's ready to blow
Must be my future sex love sound
And when it goes down
Baby all you gotta do is...
Just tell me which way you like that.
All you gotta do is
Tell me which way you like that
Do you like it like this?
Do you like it like that?
Tell me which way you like that
Tell me which way you like that
Future sex love sound
Future sex love sound
Future sex love sound
Future sex love sound
Wait a second
She's hopped up on. me
I've got her in my zone
Her body's pressed up on me
I think she's ready to blow
Must be my future sex love sound
And when it goes down
Baby all you gotta do is...
Just tell me which way you like that.
All you gotta do is
Tell me which way you like that
Do you like it like that?
Tell me which way you like that
Tell me which way you like that

abuse

arsxnickiss (01:42:28 pm): hi there bad mood, i'm annie
arsxnickiss (01:42:31 pm): nice to meet you
ScarletApex (01:42:50 pm): Hi Annie.. I'm bad mood. I want to leave work and go to LI and eat BBQ in the sun
arsxnickiss (01:43:02 pm): you're almost out
arsxnickiss (01:43:14 pm): don't take yo shit out on me, or i'm going to start hitting you again
ScarletApex (01:43:46 pm): I can take it now. I'm bigger than I was.. wiser
arsxnickiss (01:43:51 pm): hardly.




this is what I put up with.....

independence day

Life is too short to constantly be burning bridges. Then one day you find out the person you were convinced to hate and despise is has turned into someone that you're bummed you missed out on.

We share a few things in common (general consensus of a certain douchebag we both know) but really I think it's just the idea of new pleasant company. So you know who you are and just know I appreciate the mature standpoint we've taken.

-----------------

Next... Day 3 of no parents. The party on friday was absolutely out of control. I managed to bond with my sister in a way I ididn't think was possible and met a lot of new people. And by a lot I mean almost everyone who was there.

Saturday was lame and sunday was so chilled out it was unbelievable. I saw die hard -- totally loved it doogs, you were spot on-- did the moms birthday gift shit and then made dinner for two special guests. Ended the night with a little bit of batman and passed out. Overall, a swell weekend.

Looking forward to a short work week and some serious cleaning. Cause right now my house is a shit hole.

Aish. Happy birfday 'merica. I'll be celebrating by sleeping late and drinking.

On my way home from work and I just want to mention that I'm listening to GO by common and the sky is blue with the perfect amount of clouds. My favorite part of the train ride home is when the train breaks through the tunnels in grand central and you get that first shot of light. Not only is it painfully poetic but it's also just fucking cool.

I'm done.

Alexander Graham Bell is a jerk

If he never invented the telephone.. sure things would suck in general but I wouldn't have to deal with nutjobs and assholes on a regular basis. Seriously. Do people really look at their phone and say to themselves..... 'Hey.. I'm going to call 411 and ask for ABC.. just to mumble or scream into the phone and piss off the RADIO newsroom assistant.. when I really want to be a contestant on America's Next Inventor.'

For gods sake..... get off the couch. Take a walk.. kill yourself. I don't care. Just stop calling the ABC News Radio NEWSROOM!!!!!




Save the date:
December 11, 2007
Spice Girls at MSG!!!!!