Everything in my head sounds more beautiful while its in my head than it does when I try to transcribe it to paper.
Today while I was at coney island I heard a girl who couldn't have been too much younger than maggie explain what happens when two people kiss. Her reasoning was based on her attempt to ride the ferris wheel with a boy she liked. "Ferris wheels are magic. It's where the fireworks happen.". Her friends were quick to disregard this idea and so she continued. "Every time two people kiss one small firework goes off. And what they do with it is up to them." I was clearly eavesdropping when this was going on and eric managed to catch it and asked what it was I was smirking at. I knew I was never going to be able to articulate all of beautiful things I was thinking in regards to this girls comment, so I said nothing.
I've become increasingly aware of my ability to be mum around people I don't trust not to hurt me. A year ago I would have let the first person to look my way in, in a heartbeat but nowadays it doesn't seem worth it. I don't trust many people to not hurt me. I actually am waiting for those that I have let in prematurely to hurt me. My friends and family know who I really am. Loud, bossy, opinionated, obnoxious. But when I'm with people I don't know I find it hard to think on my feet the same way I do around them. I guess this means I'm getting better at filtering.
Eric is going away to camp tomorrow. And similar to every good person I've had come through my life in the last year or so, he won't be around much. 4 weeks until there's even a chance of seeing him. I'm fine with it. Or I'll say I'm fine with it and not say otherwise. He was a total gentleman about the whole thing, delivered the appropriate speech at the appropriate time. "To be honest and fair, I'm not good with distance." Is anyone? I'm not. Had he not initiated the conversation I would've assumed tonight was going to be the last time I ever saw him. So I guess we'll give him that.
So for four weeks I can smoke, flirt, drink, party as much as I want to. Nothing stopping me. Gotta love the eternal single female. I've got the freedom to do and say whatever I want to whomever I want but don't want to talk to anyone.
Fuck.
--------------------------
Sent using BlackBerry
NOTICE: This communication may contain information that is legally privileged, confidential or exempt from disclosure. If you are not the intended recipient, please note that any dissemination, distribution, or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. Anyone who receives this message in error should notify the sender immediately by telephone or by return e-mail and delete it from their computer.
No comments:
Post a Comment