people who don't know the rule that if you have already been occupying a seat on the metro north (whether it be the 2 or 3 person seats) it's polite to first ask and then when permission is granted you do not just plop your ass down and rub up all on me. you conscientiously place yourself down into the seat making sure not to touch me. i do not know you. i do not want to rub asses with you. it makes me pretty uncomfortable.
more so -- at 8 o'clock in the morning, no one wants to hear about how much you love your beau or how your homegirl is "trippin'" it's unnecessary. and if you absolutely must speak with someone make it a short and courteous call. "Hi, Hello. How are you. I have to call you back it's 8 o'clock in the fucking morning and no one on the train needs to hear about my evening."
also, when reading your newspaper let's think of a few things...
1) i'm letting you sit in the seat that i have already claimed. both seats are therefore considered mine. so when you think it's okay to spread yourself out and extend your arms to their full capacity while reading your shit rag newspaper and the text is so close to my face that i can smell the ink printed on the actual paper, we have a problem.
2) reading the newspaper can be tricky sometimes, especially to those who only read page 6. it's in the middle of the paper! a lot of things can get loose! here's a suggestion... if you're not going to go through the whole thing in an orderly fashion don't read it. chances are if you're incapable of doing that in the first place you probably can't read anyway.
3) laughing out loud to yourself is funny. doing it for more than a 10 second time period is not. especially not at 8 in the morning. laughing at your horoscope, the silly little comics they put in the newspaper for the kids who can't get through a whole article.
4) want to play the lotto? that's great! don't get your scratch off residual on me.
I'm not saying these are everyones rules. But they are my rules. And to be honest with you I think they should be posted all over the trains and should follow the "dooo doo" noise that the new trains make.
I think also that if you're running so late for the train that you have to hold the plastic melting, nose numbing shit until you get onto the train, you should be forced to wear a shirt that says "I dumped on the train and ruined the remainder of the ride for the rest of you" it should be bright yellow and have large black letters. With reflectors and small flashing lights, so that everyone on the train knows why their eyes have started to tear acid and they can no longer arrive at their places of education or employment in the same positive mood they got on the train with.
Also, if you speak a foreign language, that's fantastic. I envy you. I wish I could fluently jabber back and forth in a native tongue. I personally think its impressive. What I don't understand is why it needs to be spoken at decibals that people in oregon can hear. QUE PASA???
I myself have put make up on, on the train. I have put my eyeliner and mascara and have decided that, because I so clearly mismanaged my time, I should not try to put on anything else. I don't understand how or why its necessary to break out the little foam applicators and the liquif concealer and start making you face. On the train. In the morning when there are people readily moving back and forth, coming and going. If you absolutely need all that make up, I have two suggestions:
1) Manage your time better.
2) Buy a pair of large sunglasses (they're very chic this season, you can get away with it, trust me) and put your make up on at work. Where you have a desk.
That's all.
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