nerves

The silly gut feeling you get when you're on the way to a first date never changes. I think the only thing that has changed is the make up I wear. It went from being all of the black mascara and eye liner I had in my make up bag to the thin line that's above my eyelashes right now.

But that gut feeling is still in my stomach. The feeling you get when you're worried about whether or not the someone you're going to meet is going to accept you. I don't think person will but I'd really like to think he will.

You know those things that happen when you're getting ready that pretty much ruin the potential for you leaving the house with a positive aura. The shirt you can't find, that one hair out of place, the zit that appeared out of no where. I doubt that the person you're meeting with really notices or cares but the truth is at the moment its like your whole world is crashing down. Moreso, when the shirt you're wearing is only half dry because your mentally retarded mother thought taking it out of the dryer was a good idea when really it was the worst idea. That, someone notices. The front of my shirt is damp. Like someone threw water on me and I'm hoping that the thirty five minute train ride into manhattan is going to solve that. The shoes I have to change into are in my bag and I'm trying to figure out when the least awkward time to change out of them will be. Since when are saturday trains so awfully crowded???