Sad...

I'm a huge advocate for New York City. Even as a kid, walking through the East Village or running through midtown trying to catch trains that would still bring me home too late and soaked to the bone. I'd happily announce to friends, family and basically anyone who would listen that I was a New Yorker and that I would end up going to school and living in this city. Slowly all of these plans came to fruition and now the once pride I had in this area that I spent so much time in has developed into a sad level of nostalgia.

Don't get me wrong, I had a fabulous time at school and learned things I would never have had the opportunity to learn if I hadn't gone to NYU, but the whole thing sort of tainted the whole New York experience for me. I try to not spend any time downtown now because it brings back memories of times that were intensely different from what I'm experiencing in my life now. I know this sounds incredibly melodramatic but something happened today that felt so different.

I had just left McSorely's and was smoking a cigarette right outside of the uptown Astor Place train station. I was standing under the little trees that have been placed on that island so that when homeless people/hipsters get hot during the summer, they have somewhere they can go without looking too homeless. I was looking at the Cube in the middle of Astor and watching all of the young kids and old burn outs make their way towards St. Mark's Place. I've got a clear shot right down 4th Ave where you can see lightning flashing somewhere in SoHo and as I'm sucking away on this cigarette and listening to my ipod and watching the lightning and taking in all of the people I couldn't help but feel like I didn't have anything left to offer this city and there wasn't anything familiar about it anymore.

I used to be in love with this place and now I just don't have that anymore it seems, which i guess upsets me but at the same time I think it helps to signify how ready I am to move on from this place.

I think New York in the rain has always bummed me out, and New York in the rain and feeling this way made it significantly worse.

Sorry whoever reads this .